Bojab Website

I plan on turning this page into an RSS feed somehow, I'll get there eventually. If you want to see my actual blog, go to my old blog page

Quick little update before I start working on this page properly; I wanna edit my website on mobile, but it SUCKS! IT FUCKING SUCKS! EVERY TIME I START TYPING THE PAGE GETS COVERED BY THE KEYBOARD AND ITS SO DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH! UGH. And yes, I'm currently typing this on mobile, specifically ios. Fuck web dev on ios (I've also started working on android and it keeps entering new lines mid-typing, so it really isn't too much better. Neocities, please fix your editor. It's perfectly fine on desktop imo but its shit on mobile). Peace.

Man, I just spent like 15 minutes writing out a bunch of stuff and then I accidentally closed the tab and NONE of it saved at all, I'm super disappointed because I had alot written down and ugh, I guess I'll try to remember what I had and start again.

So, I think I'm genderfluid. It's taken a while to reach this decision, but I think I've finally made it. I've been questioning for a few months now, but I've genuinely considered it and I think it's now true. I feel so nice when I wear my kuromi and my melody shirts, I love wearing pink, I love looking pretty, but I still feel like a man. I mostly fit my gender norms, but sometimes, it's very easy to tell that I can be very femme presenting. I still feel more like a man than a woman, but some days, I just want to be a woman. The thought started entering my mind back in around 2015 or 2016, and its been lingering a tiny bit over the years, like the question would come back and I'd be like "ugh, I wish I was a woman", but back then it was mostly sexuality. I wanted to be a woman because I am sexually attracted to women, I would like to have female reproductive organs and enjoy *myself* as a woman. I used to think (and still frequently do) that it was gross. I don't enjoy the thought of objectifying women or wanting to be one because of sexual desires, it feels really wrong. But I've found myself more often wanting to be a woman in an everyday setting, like out shopping at walmart, or working whatever job it is I have. So, as of today (October 4th, 2024), I've decided that I'm genderfluid. I have been looking up things about genderfluidity (mainly what that even meant, because over the years I've never thought of actually understanding the different types of genders and/or sexualities) and gender-affirming therapy, and I would like to do it. I think I would be uncomfortable during the introductary phases, beacuse everyone I have ever known for my whole life has known me as a male, but I think once I can meet new people and introduce myself as a she/her and look/sound the part too, that would be really nice. I've also found out that gender-affirmation therapy (GAT from now on) does NOT include a change of pitch in voice, and that a sepereate GA voice therapy would be almost neccesary if I want to do that (which I think I will one day, both GAT and GAVT).
Obviously, this is all new to me, and I don't want to jump straight into GAT immediately (I definitely do), but I do want to inform myself with all of what's possible and choose what's best for ME, Not what other people think (I have a hard time not listening to other people's takes on things and/or ignoring them because it's not what I want). I, personally and right now, would like to start doing GAT. I've known about trans people (obviously), I've had multiple friends who have transitioned during our friendship or before it, so I'm not like, unbearably new to the subject. I know a thing or two, but I'd like to learn more before I immediately start GAT.
If you're reading this, this is the start of a journey I had no idea I'd even be taking up until a few months ago, and I'm 21. I hope you stick around and I wish for support both for myself and anyone else strugging with any type of gender dysphoria or transition. You're not alone.